New rituals & health habits | my morning wellness routine January 2020

body stretching yoga beauty
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So you may have seen on instagram I became a bit sporadic posting in early Jan this year, and then went offline for a few days with some health stuff.

Nothing like something feeling wrong with your body to make you focus on taking care of yourself, right?

I usually rely on my hardcore boxing workouts in mornings, but in giving my body a break I established a new morning routine that has definitely helped me heal and get better.

Sleeping in

Rather than a 6.30 start for hardcore workouts, I let myself sleep in til 7.30ish.

Yoga

I started trying to start 4 out of 5 working days a week with a 10 minute yoga flow. No videos, no structure, just listening to relaxing music, moving my body and finding what feels good a la Yoga with Adriene’s philosophy.

Cutting caffeine

I’d then, post yoga, wash up, clean my teeth, dress and make my way to the kitchen where I drink peppermint tea, a weak green tea, and/or plain old hot water to start my day.

Handful of spinach

I don’t eat breakfast until I get to work at 9.30 but during my morning down-time, I started grabbing a handful of spinach to munch on, so I know I’ve got a hit of some good stuff first thing in the morning. Spinach is amazing – just one cup contains, according to Medicalnewstoday.com:

Downtime

I’d then chill out and read a book, or watch an episode of One Tree Hill (guilty pleasure from my younger days!) before I have to leave for work.

Meditation

Some days I’d also do a 10 minute guided meditation (usually a Jody Shield one, or via the Tone It Up app).

Better breakfasts

Instead of being sporadic with breakfast at work, I’ve decided to opt (every work day) for something I know gets as many nutrients, antioxidants, a good burst of fibre and keeps my blood sugar levels steady with slow-release energy as possible – I make blueberry, banana & cinnamon porridge by microwaving plain quaker oats (1 sachet) with water for 2 minutes, stirring in a lot of cinnamon, a handful of fresh blueberries and chopping up 1 small banana on top. Voila! Even when I’m not hungry, I have this at my desk at 9.30 and it’s meant I’ve already got 3 portions of fruit & veg in (the spinach at home first thing included!) before lunch, and I don’t get hangry later in the day or crash out of energy.

Verdict?

So, while I do want to get my boxing back and feel better, putting self-care first and allowing my body the rest it needs has taught me some valuable lessons, especially how much you have to work at keeping your stress levels down! But I feel like all of these things have helped me de-stress, helped my body return to normal and I’m hoping my hormones should all be balanced out now.

I’m definitely going to keep up the caffeine free habit, the handful of spinach, and incorporating as much yoga and meditation into my day as I can.

I’m also going to keep up the better breakfasts, but some days I may swap the blueberry-cinnamon-banana porridge for raspberry, goji berry and maca or blue spirulina just to get a bit of variety.

Some other elements of my January self-care I’ve been loving (not morning-specific!) are:

  • being alcohol free;
  • warm baths with essential oils (rose and jasmine are my faves at the moment!) and epsom & himalayan salts;
  • focussing on getting as many portions of fruit and veg in per day as I can, as per usual but ramping this up to as near to 10 a day as possible!;
  • eating whole foods;
  • cooking from scratch as much as possible;
  • experimenting with new recipes, and being more adventurous with vegetarian recipes for Boy and I; and
  • making as many of our meals plant-based as we can

What are your January wellness routines or rituals (morning or evening!) that you’re hoping to hang on to for the rest of the year?

B xoxoxo

Anxiety & Overwhelm Toolkit: “Tapping”, or EMT – does it work?

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I’m going to review my experience of ‘tapping’ or ‘EMT (Emotional Freedom Technique)’ in this post, but first I just want to tell you a little bit about how I came across it, and share a kind of disclaimer!

I came across tapping via Jody Shield, who I first saw speak on a wellness panel at YellowKite Books with a nutritionist and fitness professional I highly respect (Rhiannon Lambert and Shona Vertue respectively).

Jody is not someone whose book you would expect to resonate with me (although I love it!), and was a bit different featuring on that panel I mentioned above of scientific, evidence-based women as a modern, new agey intuitive healer, spiritualista, success coach and meditation guide. While I’m always interested in religion and ritual and myth, I’m decidedly atheist, and not spiritual. Other than my foray into wicca and paganism like all teenagers who grow up around Glastonbury when I was about 13/14 (LOL!), I have never believed in a god, or new agey type stuff (though to this day I have an impressive crystal collection!) because I am fundamentally a big believer in things being evidence-based.

That said, placebo is well known to be surprisingly effective and many studies have evidenced this, so let’s suspend disbelief for a moment, shall we…

So, like my interest in ayurveda which I wrote about here, you may have to accept that this is hugely contradictory to my usual stuff, and yes it goes one step (or several!) beyond my thing for yoga and meditation, both of which have proven scientific benefits.

Because, I have to say, whenever I’m going through a tough time, mood wise, health wise, stress wise – I re-read Jody’s book Life Tonic (recently republished under the new title Self Care for the Soul). Yep, I’m a walking contradiction because it’s quite a woo book in places, although it has some really great practical tools too. I also find myself searching for podcast interviews with Jody and just listening to them again and again when I’m in a particularly dark spot – there’s just something so comforting, calming and uplifting about her energy and her voice, even if I don’t connect or rationally believe 100% in everything she believes in.

So what is ‘tapping’ or ‘EMT’?

Also known as Emotional Freedom Technique, the idea behind tapping is that, much like acupuncture is meant to do, EFT / tapping  focuses on the meridian points (think energy hotspots on the body – I know, I know, pseudo-sciencey right?!) to restore balance to your body’s energy. It is an alternative therapy technique, and proponents claim that stimulating the meridian points through EFT tapping can:

  • reduce the stress
  • resolve negative emotions you feel generally or from a particular issue
  • and/or ultimately restore balance to your body/mind’s ‘disrupted energy ‘.

For balance, I feel like you should read this snipped from wikipedia about it and the footnotes:

Advocates claim that the technique may be used to treat a wide variety of physical and psychological disorders, and as a simple form of self-administered therapy.[1] The Skeptical Inquirer describes the foundations of EFT as “a hodgepodge of concepts derived from a variety of sources, [primarily] the ancient Chinese philosophy of chi, which is thought to be the ‘life force’ that flows throughout the body.” The existence of this life force is “not empirically supported”.[2]

Wikipedia entry on EFT

EFT apparently has no proven benefits as a therapy beyond the placebo effect, or beyond any known-effective psychological techniques that may be provided in addition to the purported “energy” technique (see here). It has failed to gain significant support in clinical psychology (again, see here).

My thoughts

So, you can read the above and be like ok, sod it, it doesn’t work. But, to be honest, it’s pretty hard to find stuff that categorically ‘works’ for treating stress and anxiety. Fine, exercise, fine diet, fine therapy etc. etc. are all key but I for one implement all of those things and still suffer sometimes with stress and anxiety, and none of them are particularly useful in the moment.

So I have tried tapping. I think you can find videos on youtube for free on how to do it, or check out Jody’s book Life Tonic Self care for the soul for full instructions and diagrams, and examples of phrases you can use.

And while it may not have significant effects other than the placebo effect, if the placebo effect works – that’s pretty helpful and powerful stuff.

I have found it to not necessarily be revolutionary but it is something I find calming and a helpful distraction in the moment (even if you look a little bit weird tapping on different body parts!)

I find it needs to be accompanied by deep breathing, which of course does have a proven effect on the parasympathetic nervous system.

Harry got his Hogwarts letter, why can’t we? As Roald Dahl says, those who don’t believe in magic will never find it. This might not be a scientific trick at all, it’s probably all in my mind, but again as Dumbledore says – just because it’s happening in your mind, doesn’t mean its not real. Haha ok I’m being annoying. But basically… I’ll take the placebo, thanks! ❤

Have you tried tapping? Let me know what you think!

B xoxo

Further information:

Healthline.com – What is EFT tapping?

Interview with Jody Shield ‘From business director to spiritual healer’ – Stylist Magazine

New Year’s Resolutions – Yes or No?! Goal-setting, fitness & food |Hello 2020!

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Happy New Year everyone, first of all! Hope you all had a great Xmas and NYE, but if you didn’t… don’t sweat it!

I had such an amazing time with the wedding in mid December, a lovely mini moon… but then got plunged back in to work stress, then Xmas, and then because of the lack of routine, training and good nutrition my mood massively acted up, then I was unwell… so not necessarily the strong ‘GOALS’ end to 2019 that you tend to hope for and envisage.

But it’s a New Year now… and everyone seems to be either on their ‘New Year, New Me’ campaign OR posting a lot about how it’s silly to make unsustainable resolutions and we’re all fine just as we are.

You may or may not have seen my recent insta post on this, which I’ve pasted below which covers my stance on this – namely, BOTH ARE VALID. There’s nothing wrong with goals and transformation and resolving to do/try/achieve new things IF the motivation is positive. But you also should hopefully have your base level of self-confidence and self-acceptance and knowing that you don’t NEED to do anything, you’re fine just as you are, it’s just whether you WANT TO. Here’s the insta post:

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS 🎇🎆 yay or nay?💡 (link to post here)
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This is an old pic I found that I took in autumn 2019 at my fave spot in LDN to reflect.
There’s a mix of dialogue each Jan it seems – people who gun for all the resolutions & « new year, new you » & people who hate the idea & say there’s no need, you’re enough as you are.
✅BOTH ARE TRUE✅
The question is ALWAYS why are you doing what you’re doing? If it’s for you, feels good or important to you & doesn’t come from external pressures or stress or poor mental health/body image, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SETTING RESOLUTIONS.
You can set goals at any time of year but New Year always functions to make people think, & that’s no bad thing.
If you do set goals, make sure they’re coming from the right place and not to please others or do what you think you « should ». My areas of focus for 2020 are:
⭐️writing more
⭐️after a decade of work coming first, to prioritise friends & family
⭐️giving CBT another chance, and to reinstate my meditation practice
⭐️to keep enjoying training & eating 🍽 in whatever way works for me, & knowing that this varies throughout the year
🔒some private & personal goals I don’t want to share on the gram! 🤫
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I find all the chatter around whether you should/shouldn’t make resolutions misses the point! It adds to the pressure/guilt/shame when we should all be freeing up our time and mental resources to CHOOSE & to ACT.
😘
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PS I completed my health & mindfulness coaching certs last year, an Ayurvedic self care course the year before & I’m still working on my nutritional therapy diploma. I have limited spots available if you want to work with me 1:1 on your mindset & relationship with you, movement and eating to help you get confident and shift focus away from aesthetics to health, mood & feeling great (NOT a replacement for Drs and nutritionists if you have an ed or ednos!). Slide into my DMs or check out my webby {LINK IN BIO}

The below is my two cents based on years of food and fitness training, studying and my ed recovery, but before we get into food and fitness resolutions PLEASE CONSIDER making other new year’s resolutions such as:

  • travel to X country
  • read X number of books this year
  • save X towards a house / travelling
  • see more of your friends and family (e.g. set up a first Thursday of the month catch up with old friends!)
  • learn a language / take a new class
  • try a new hobby
  • cut down on Netflix and scrolling
  • have more sex
  • try reading some self-development books

Basically, goal-based resolutions that aren’t about body image or weight or workouts or fitness or anything like that. I really regret letting food issues consume so much of my time in the past – I mean, bloody hell, there’s so much other stuff we could be doing that’s way more worthwhile!

Setting fitness & nutrition resolutions

Fix your mindset first

If you are going to set goals, my first piece of advice is DON’T ‘diet’. Have a real think about what you want to achieve and why, and if you have any insecurities or poor relationships with fitness and / or food, do some work on these. Consider seeing a nutritionist and / or doctor for anything serious (EDs, EDNOS, incidences where it severely affects your day to day life) as a matter of priority, but also consider seeing a private nutritionist or therapist to do an overall check that you’re healthy, and that you have a healthy mindset.

Then, once you’re sure you aren’t unconsciously carrying out disordered eating habits and likely to compound any problems, you can think about things like losing fat and changing your body composition if you want to.

But honestly, the best resolution you can make when it comes to your body is to try to learn to love it, or if you can’t love it, accept it.

There are so many ways to go about this. My journey took years and involved learning about the science of nutrition and starting to actually care about nourishing my body, fixing some long term deep seated issues and facing some trauma, some therapy, some work with a nutritionist, lots of conversations with my partner (now husband!), soul searching, endless reading and meditation. Your journey might look completely different.

Fitness and food goals: how to do it!

Educate yourself and seek advice from professionals rather than copying some celebrity with zero credentials. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s free to follow highly qualified nutritionists on Instagram, or doctors (try @rhitrition and @thefoodmedic) and both of these women have highly informative books. They also have great podcasts, as does Dr Chaterjee, and The Doctor’s Kitchen.

Then focus on moving more. The best way to do this is to:

  1. Find workouts you love so you’re moving for joy first and foremost, health second, and aesthetics last if at all. I love boxing. I recently got into primal movement. I also love so many forms of dance. I don’t love weightlifting – tried it for ages because everyone was doing it, but it doesn’t make me happy, so I ditched it.
  2. That said, strive for BALANCE. By this, I mean a couple of things. Don’t just hammer your body with high intensity workouts, but don’t neglect your cardio vascular health by just doing gentle yoga where you never increase your heart rate or break a sweat. Don’t just run and be a cardio bunny and neglect some form of strength and weight-bearing exercise (this can be bodyweight, it doesn’t have to mean barbells!) Strive for a balanced programme, which also includes rest and recovery days, and listening to your body. Over-training is not good, just as a totally sedentary lifestyle isn’t good either.
  3. Focus on foods you should add in to your diet, rather than ‘cutting out’. This is easy, and effective. Get as many veggies in as possible. Up your fibre. Get good, lean proteins. Have your healthy fats. Consider probiotics, and take a Vitamin D supplement in winter. Consult a professional for tailored supplementation advice to you.
  4. Adhere to NHS guidelines on drinking alcohol. Goes without saying, but you can only benefit (body and mind!) by cutting this down or out.
  5. Pay attention to portion sizes (and unless you have an important medically-recommended reason I’d personally advise that you don’t calorie or macro count)- palm size of protein, fistful of carbs, thumb tip of healthy fats – simple!
  6. Don’t cut out treats altogether or do anything drastic. Cut down. Try for something that balances pleasure with health, and make it sustainable. Remember food is also there to be enjoyed.
  7. Don’t buy into the myth that you need tonnes of protein shakes or workout supplements. Chances are, if you’re not bodybuilding and you’re eating a balanced diet of 3 good meals a day, you don’t need a protein shake that often is calorically close to an additional meal, and doesn’t have half the nutrients.
  8. Try not to let food and fitness consume you’re life. They should be tools to help you live your best life, not the be-all-and-end-all.
  9. Remember weight loss might technically be calories in vs calories out but it’s NOT THAT SIMPLE – different people absorb and digest foods differently, different types of food and nutrients are absorbed and used differently by the body, so the best way to guarantee sustainable and long-term health and a size you’re happy with is to move frequently, in a balanced way, and eat wholefoods as much as possible, lots of plants, eat the rainbow, keep it balanced, and do this over a long period of time – i.e. for life! Usually your body will find its happy set-point, and as you move more and build muscle, perhaps lose excess fat if that’s your goal (although remember fat shaming is unacceptable and health is possible at a much bigger range of sizes than we’ve previously been led to believe!) as well as flood your system with endorphins, you’ll find a great medium where you look and feel good.

Hope this helps and gives you some food for thought!

What are your resolutions (if any) this year?

B xoxox

Have a greener (not Grinch-ier!) Christmas: Simple Sustainability Tips

I don’t know about you, but every single day I feel a bit sick about the amount of plastic packaging we see everywhere – and yes, I’m an eco-hypocrite because I have my plastic kobox bottles, for example (although I reuse them as much as I can!), or buy the odd innocent green smoothie which is of course in a plastic bottle (and many other eco-sins, I’m sure!).

Extinction Rebellion and Greta Thunberg have brought sustainability to the attention of the mainstream and it’s starting to (finally!) be cool for normal people to care about the planet – no longer the realm of tree-hugging hippies (nothing wrong with being this, but it’s just less relatable for many of us!), the online world is starting to embrace sustainability and eco-consciousness.

Xmas is a time of year most people LOVE (I’m less big on it myself, but trying to get less grinchy so that I’m more fun for my family!) but it’s also filled with waste, waste, waste.

Here are some simple hacks for trying to make your Xmas more sustainable this year, and if you try them you’re not alone – I’m working to implement them too! They’re easy and unobtrusive so they won’t ruin your holiday, and just remember – every little action makes a little difference, and if we all made changes it would be AMAZING!

Xmas (Christmas to you religious folks!) is a Christian festival that derives from Pagan Yule/Winter Solstice, and the pagans were waaaaaaaaaaaay more in touch with nature, so in a lot of ways, going back to a greener, more natural Xmas is going back to the heart of it.

Greener gifts

The greenest thing we can do is probably to not buy gifts at all, but I know for lots of you that won’t feel like an option. Hell, my other half and I have actually campaigned for this for years, believe it or not, but my family are steadfast present people and it’s hard not to buy some things. So I think the options are:

  • Experience gifts – I feel like these are the best way to go! Take someone to dinner, or to the theatre or cinema, or cook them an amazing meal and take them out to do their favourite activity.
  • Hand-make gifts… can you bake cookies for someone, make sloe gin for someone else (both amazing gifts I’ve received in the past!) Can you paint or write or draw something for someone? Or if you’re a musician, write music for someone?
  • Buy vintage or second-hand… we all are starting to wake up to how bad the fast fashion industry is, and so consider going vintage or thrifting for fashion lovers in your life. Charity shops may not have seemed sexy options in the past, but you’d be surprised what gems you can occasionally pick up.
  • Make donations to the persons’ favourite charity – for our wedding, we asked for donations to Girls Not Brides instead of gifts. For animal lovers, you could donate to WWF for Xmas, or the RSPCA. For eco-warriors, pick a charity that’s helping the planet like Friends of the Earth or the Environmental Working Group . For arts lovers, donate to a project or ballet company… you get the idea.
  • Shop at more ethical and sustainable places (although while it’s better to buy more sustainable items, remember we also need to reduce consumption generally to be truly sustainable – no matter how biodegradable the gift!)– ideas include The Body Shop, Lush, Positive Luxury, The AceyThe Deep, and sustainable brands like Reformation and Stay Wild Swim.
  • Reduce the list of who to buy for – can you just buy for peoples’ kids, for example, and do a ‘no presents for adults rule’?
  • Don’t use that plasticy-wrapping paper – you know, the metallic style ones? They’re actually metalised-plastic and non-recyclable.
  • Try to save and re-use wrapping paper and gift bags! Or better yet, don’t wrap at all!
  • Give lovely gifts that may help and educate – for example, Max La Manna’s amazing book More Plants, Less Waste is a delicious recipe book and teaches you how to produce less waste… win win. Or check out the recipe books below with plant-based recipes which will help you change your diet for a better planet (you don’t have to be vegan to reduce your meat and animal product consumption!)

Consider your Christmas Tree

If you already have a fake tree, get as MUCH USE OUT OF IT AS POSSIBLE, but the thing about plastic trees is they eventually will end up in landfill.

If you must buy a fake tree, try ebay and gumtree for a secondhand one.

If you’re going for a real tree, the best option is finding a farm where you can cut your own, but that may not be possible for everyone.

The next best thing is to find locally grown trees where you can.

This article by Eco Age gives you the full lowdown on how to make sure your Xmas tree is more sustainability friendly, and even gives options for renting a Christmas tree!

Eat more plants!

Xmas is very often a ‘bring out the meat!’ fest, but if we all reduce our animal product consumption just a bit it can make a huge difference for the planet’s health (and our own!)

No-one is saying you have to go vegan or vegetarian (although by all means do, or try, if you fancy – it’s far better for the planet and there are SO MANY delicious options these days!) but cutting down as much as you can is definitely a good thing.

  • Can you swap pigs in blankets for a more plant-based recipe?
  • Can you make your other meals over the holiday season plant-based?
  • Have you ever tried vegan and vegetarian Christmas food? It’s incredible! Maybe give it a go this year. Or do just a chicken and a veggie dish, rather than 3 massive birds! Anything you can cut down.
  • Can you swap a cheese board for a plant-based dessert?!

Here are some amazing cookbooks to help you find plant-based inspiration:

Learn a little bit more ready for 2020

I don’t want you to get stressed and eco-anxious over the festive season, but I think education is only ever a good thing, especially given that some people feel talking about sustainability at Christmas is ‘grinchy’ and ‘OTT’. We are overwhelmingly in an environmental crisis, unfortunately, but we can do SO MUCH to help, and we just have to be willing to try. You don’t have to live in a hut in the woods and only forage for berries. Just do a little bit.

It might also be good to think of a couple of small things you can try to do for 2020 New Year’s Resolutions. I’m hoping to make mine:

  • No more fast fashion! No buying new clothing for a year
  • Reduce food waste
  • Recycle my beauty product bottles (you can apparently do this via TerraCycle at The Body Shop)

Some resources to get you started include these TV and documentary resources:

And detoxing your social media of rubbish and filling it up with more positive and educational influences like:

Good luck & enjoy!

I hope some of these resonate a little bit or seem achievable. I think little changes bit by bit are the best way to go to make the change sustainable (wheeeeeeeeeey!) for you in the long term.

It doesn’t have to be everything, all at once, but if we all do our best (and instead of attacking everyone else for doing it wrong, or not doing enough, we focus on living our best lives and doing as much as we can ourselves!) it can only be positive.

Happy Xmas from the reluctant Xmas celebrator (I’m more of a pagan at heart haha!)

B xoxoxo

PS. If you liked this post, you might like my Inspire Interview with Venetia Falconer here, my post about my experiment with veganism here, my landing on being a flexitarian here, my 10 simple sustainability hacks to be kinder to the planet  and also this green beauty post.

PPS. for other peoples’ ideas and more on a sustainable / more eco friendly Christmas, check out these articles:

And if you’re interested in the intersection of your health with the planet’s health, here’s some more food for thought and nutrition / diets to save the planet:

 

 

#8 Inspire Interview Series – REBECCA KING – Lawyer (Associate at one of the Biggest American Firms in London)

Sorry it’s been a little while since the last Inspire Interview… today’s is completely different to the careers we’ve spoken about before, which is why I love doing this series so much… there are so many amazing people doing cool jobs in all kinds of different industries, and talking to everyone about it is great just for me to be nosey, let alone share with you!

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I know law is something I get asked about a lot – how do I fit fitness around life as a trainee, for example, so I thought I’d go right to the source and give you a fully qualified lawyer on how she balances all things work, life, workouts and play!

Today’s interview is with the kick ass Rebecca King, who I actually met through our mutual obsession with KOBOX. She very kindly answered some questions on life as a lawyer in one of the biggest US firms in London, and busts some myths about lawyer life, not least that you have to do law at uni  – she did THE COOLEST undergrad degree ever… so without further ado –

B: Can you tell us a little bit about the area of law you work in…

R: I work in Debt Capital Markets on bond issuances (for corporates, banks and sometimes sovereigns).

B: What made you become a lawyer? How did you get there – did you do undergrad law or convert later?

R: To be honest, I just thought I’d be quite good at it! I didn’t study it as an undergrad, as I wasn’t 100% decided and knew I had the option of converting later. I studied a subject I loved but doesn’t have much in the way of traditional job applications outside academia – Archaeology and Anthropology. I focused on Biological Anthropology, the study of how humans evolved – I even met Jane Goodall once when she gave us a primatology lecture. I also took papers in Ancient Egyptian Religion, which I’ve always been fascinated by, although I chose not to make Egyptology my main focus because I’ve never been great at languages. If you think French is hard – try hieroglyphics! (I did. I was crap.)

I combined that with some legal work experience and vacation schemes, and I was offered a training contract with my current firm just before I graduated from Cambridge – they then sponsored me through law school.

B: Can you describe a (working) day in the life of RK?

R: As you know, hours and work can be so varied! Officially our working hours are 9.30 till 6 and recently my department has been relatively quiet so that’s been about when I get in and out. I’m about to head to lunch, and today so far I’ve sorted out some postclosing matters for a deal that closed last week, had a kick-off call for a pro-bono matter, reviewed and updated our internal memo on listing procedures for the London Stock Exchange and attended our department quarterly meeting. A pretty average morning!

B: What advice would you give someone looking to become a lawyer? Any advice you were given en route that was helpful?

R: I’d say that the subject of your undergraduate degree doesn’t really matter but your grades and outside interests really do. If you’re a non-law undergrad like I was, you’ll need to prove you’re serious about law even though you actively chose not to study it for your degree, which can be tricky! Definitely get involved with your university law society early on and attend recruitment fairs and law firm presentations, and apply for vacation schemes or open days as soon as you’re eligible – once you’ve attended one, it’s easier to tick that “genuinely interested” box and be accepted for more.

Also – and I think this is true of any industry, not just law – it’s infinitely better to just submit five job applications that you’ve really thought about and tailored to that particular firm than fire off fifty identical cover letters and CVs. Believe me, these firms receive thousands and thousands of identikit applications and anything they think you’ve copied and pasted will be promptly set aside.

B: What are the biggest misconceptions about being a lawyer that you think are out there? Any myths you want to bust (or confirm!)

R: That all lawyers go to court! My sister is at a different firm that specialises in arbitration, and goes all the time. I’ve never set foot in a courtroom outside of a school trip aged 15. I work on deals, not cases!

B: Best and worst bits of the job? Biggest challenges?

R: I work with some great people! Almost all the lawyers I’ve ever worked with have been really clever, fun and interesting people. There’s definitely a certain drive and perfectionism we all have in common but my department is a great place to be and I met some of my absolute best friends through work.

I think the biggest challenge for me personally is the variability of hours. As I’m in a transactional area, I can have two weeks of past-midnight finishes followed by two weeks where I barely bill any time at all. When your bonuses and performance reviews put a lot of emphasis on whether you hit an hours target, slow weeks can be really demoralising and on the flip side busy weeks can mean cancelling really important plans. People tend to be very understanding but ultimately the client calls the shots, and if there’s work to be done and no one else can do it, you just have to put plans aside.

B: I’ve found that people really stress about training contracts (and I know the numbers are tough!) but personally I found being a trainee waaaaay tougher than the application process… any thoughts on coping with the journey to working in law, since it can be super long, super competitive, and of course isn’t always peachy when you’re on a very late deal…?

R: Personally, it’s easy for me to finish a tough week and just flop on the sofa for six hours straight on Saturday and binge watch a show because I’m tired. If you’re like me – my advice is to try not to do that too often, as I’ll then get to Sunday evening and feel like the weekend was wasted. I always try and spend some time with friends, do a workout class, book an event or, if I am sitting in front of the TV, I’ll work on one of my costume projects at the same time – it’s a creative outlet and making something gives me a sense of achievement, even if I did it while watching Netflix! It’s different for everyone but basically my advice is – if you don’t have much time off, really make sure that the time you get to yourself you’re putting towards something or someone you love, rather than just spinning wheels waiting for the next work email to come in or Monday to start.

B: How do you relax and wind down outside of work, and look after yourself generally? Anything that particularly helps you stay balanced?

R: I have a lot of hobbies and interests, and making time for those is really important to me. I love reading – history, true crime (I stayed up till two last night reading the Ted Bundy biography “The Stranger Beside Me” and barely slept a wink!), trashy regency romance novels, fantasy and sci-fi. I’m also listening to podcasts at the moment on my commute – my favourites include “You Must Remember This” (on the forgotten scandals of Hollywood), “My Favourite Murder” and “The Soundtrack Show” (which analyses film soundtracks). TV-wise I love Westworld, Game of Thrones and anything David Attenborough.

I’m also a huge Star Wars geek and in the last couple of years have got into cosplay, so I love researching and making props and costumes in my spare time and attending comic conventions, and I even take lessons in lightsaber fighting! It’s basically a fusion of kung fu and tai chi, except instead of wooden practice swords we use plastic ones that light up. Other sports and activities I love are Kobox (obviously!), skiing, diving, yoga, pilates, hiking and golf. Some weeks I’m busier than others, but for me balance is when I’m happily busy at work but with time for my interests and seeing friends and family.

B: Best and worst career advice you’ve ever been given?

R: Best: people don’t dwell nearly as much on the criticism they give you as you do. I think particularly in law, we’re such perfectionists that any negative feedback can really knock us. Take it, learn from it and try and move on – because the chances are that the person who said it hasn’t thought about it since they did!

Worst: “You can’t wear dangly earrings to work!!” My mum was an incredibly badass accountant-turned-banker in the 80’s when the City really WAS a man’s world, and any sign of femininity was seen as distracting or a weakness – this classic quote was from my first day at work when I was going to wear drop earrings. I don’t think she realised when I started my TC in 2015 how much the world, and corporate dress code in particular, has changed from “her day”. The fact our firm has casual Fridays continues to amaze her, as does the fact I never wear suits (stretchy jersey dresses for the win!)

B: Do you feel like workouts impact how productive you are at work?

R: 100%. I always try to work out in the mornings. It wakes you up, it gets your metabolism going, it clears your head, and ultimately I think it’s great to start the day with a bit of me-time – whether it’s yoga, running or, in my case, punching the hell out of something heavy to some really loud music.

B: If you weren’t a lawyer, what would you be and why?

I honestly don’t know! I always have loved writing and secretly wanted to be a novelist, but I realised early on I wasn’t suited temperament-wise to such a solitary and unpredictable job. I also occasionally daydream of being a guide at a safari camp! Spending all day in the bush and then the evening round the fire with a glass of Amarula listening to the sounds of the wild and chatting to guests from all over the world sounds pretty fun to me. Having said that, I’d probably make it about three weeks without internet access before hotfooting it back to London.

B: Any role models career-wise (whether in law or not)?

R: My mum! She was the first in her family to go to university and then trained as an accountant as one of five women in a class of over 100. She then went into banking and made way more money than my dad for the first 10-15 years of their marriage (which was very unusual then). She ended up giving up work completely to look after me and my sister about the time I started school, but my parents were married for 10 years before they had kids, so she fit in a pretty incredible career before deciding to make that change. People are always shocked to find out my parents’ house is in her name! She’s incredibly driven and hard-working and is an example I try (and fail, a lot of the time!) to live up to.

B: Fave restaurant in City – any great places to take clients you’d recommend people?

R: I go to the Ned a lot and really like their restaurants, but if I’m not eating there I’ll usually head back towards Chelsea to have dinner. Mossimann’s, which is a dining club set in a gorgeous converted church in Belgravia, is the ultimate favourite – unfortunately I can’t go without my dad, as he’s the member, but I always beg to go there on my birthday! I love Rabbit, on the King’s Road, which does incredible seasonal British food tapas-style, and nearly died of happiness when they opened a Sticks ‘n’ Sushi less than two minutes walk from me!

B: And finally, what does ‘success’ mean to you?

It’s kind of abstract but that little fist-pump moment you get when you’ve absolutely nailed something. Whether it’s at work or not, the aim for me is for life to have more fist-pump moments than “d’oh” or “loo cry” moments.

**Quickfire Round**

Fave KOBOX combo – I know you go a lot 😉

Uppercuts. When I hit the bag hard enough that it jumps up, it makes me feel like Captain Marvel.

Pancakes or full english?

Full English for sure, I’m a savoury girl!

Burpee or bear crawl?

Oh Christ. Is Miranda reading this? Bear crawl! Definitely bear crawl!

Nature or nurture?

You can’t ask a former anthropology student that question, she’ll spend three weeks agonizing and then give you a 12-page essay that doesn’t even answer it! Like any true-crime aficionado, I’d probably say mostly nurture. But as a cat owner, nature certainly can’t be discounted.

Martini or cosmopolitan?

Martini – I like a citrusy, dry one with a grapefruit twist. But I’d choose a good margarita over either!

Talent or hustle?

Hustle.

Fave latin phrase from law-school?

In vino veritas – definitely learned during law school, although not actually during lectures…

Chocolate or cheese?

CHEESE.

Louboutin or Jimmy Choo?

Louboutin, as long as I’m not walking far.

Fave legal drama?

Does Judge Judy count?! Funnily enough for a lawyer I’ve never watched Suits or The Good Wife or anything like that. But my mum always has Judge Judy on somewhere in our house so I have a soft spot for her.

You have to hug, marry and water-balloon 3 kobox instructors – which ones do you choose?! 

Marry Miranda, obviously. Hug Joe or Jesse. Water-balloon Jacob (This is 100% revenge and I reserve the right to revise this when he’s back on the timetable permanently!)

Fave movie?

Hot Fuzz!

It’s your last EVER meal of your life. What do you go for?

Christmas lunch followed by my mum’s EXTREMELY boozy raspberry trifle! With wine. Lots of wine.

Hope that was a useful insight into lawyer life – Bekky is definitely the coolest lawyer I know. Catch her at KOBOX in City most weekdays 😉

B xoxo

 

Staying Zen while spinning multiple plates! (Bust stress & anxiety for Autumn)

autumn autumn colours autumn leaves beautiful
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Everyone gets stressed and anxious, some more than others, but pretty much everyone can relate in some way! It’s become such a ‘thing’ (people talk about being busy and stressed and anxious 24/7 these days!) that we’re all looking for easy ways to de-stress all the time. While there aren’t any magic solutions, there are some effective tried-and-tested techniques, all of which help me manage my mood and hopefully will help you manage yours too!

Zen-up your life & feel better for Fall

Sweat

  • Wake up early for a workout. This literally kickstarts your day in the best possible way, releases a rush of endorphins, boosts mood and creativity and is great for physical and mental health.

Snooze & hydrate

  • Make sure you’re getting 7 hours sleep a night, minimum.
  • Drink water! 80% of the human body is made up of water so it is ESSENTIAL!

Break free from the desk trap

  • Get away from your desk at any opportunity you can – easier said than done most days, but even a 20 minute walk at lunch, extra trips to the loo or to grab a coffee… movement and a change of scene always helps!

Get ruthless with social media – detox those screens!

  • Minimise social media usage if it’s making you compare yourself with others. De-toxify your insta and facebook by unfollowing and unfriending anyone who is making you feel bad – it’s not selfish to prioritise your sanity! An instagram cull can be so mentally cleansing if people’s content is irritating, making you envious or feel inadequate, or just isn’t what you want to see! It’s YOUR FEED. You decide.

Cut the caffeine (sorry!)

  • Reduce caffeine as much as possible – caffeine will amp up your stress levels and elevate your heart rate, and try to stop drinking it after lunch or it will still be in your system when you’re trying to go to sleep – true story!

Rewire your brain & delete ‘perfectionist’ from your vocabulary – rest is valuable!

  • Sometimes it’s okay to be good enough and not always work the overtime or volunteer for an extra project. Remember that, and rest up. You’re no good to anyone burned out!

Not just for New-Ageys… the science supports yoga and meditation

  • Yoga and meditation are amazing ways to promote what scientific studies have termed the ‘relaxation response’ – an alteration of your chemical state that is good for body and mind! They also help build resilience and flexibility, both mental and physical.

Fresh air ‘n’ breeeeeathe

  • Go outside – even just for 2 minutes – if you feel overwhelmed. It can totally shift your perspective, break up the day and give you a second to collect yourself.

Just. Say. NO.

  • Learn to say no – if you don’t want to go to that social thing, just get out of it and look after yourself. FOMO is so 90s. There’s no need for it!

Ditch public opinion & love yourself

  • Work on getting comfortable in your skin and not stressing about what other people think about you – whether you do this with yoga, meditation, journalling, sport, art, therapy, or all or none of these – honestly, it’s LIFE CHANGING. At 27 I had some mega realisations about living MY LIFE and liberating myself from being concerned with other peoples’ views of me… and it is honestly insane once you get there in the BEST POSSIBLE WAY. Obviously we’re all human and so relapse sometimes, but overall… I promise, you’ll feel amazing.

Re-prioritise… the good stuff

  • Recognise that work isn’t everything. Once you prioritise your relationships and your loves (be it a boyfriend, boxing, or family) you’ll feel so much more content with life. No-one dies wishing they’d spent more time at the office, however driven.

Nostrils, nostrils, nostrils (pranayama baby!)

  • Pranayama breathing, aka alternate nostril breathing. Sounds a bit mad, but I love this stuff… try it! It works. Go on. Give it a google.

Be curious!

  • Cultivate curiosity in new things, be it exploring, or learning a new language. Being stimulated in non-worky non-burnouty ways is so great for stress busting and feeling like you’ve achieved something, and re-invigorating your inspiration levels.

So, there you have it, my favourite ways to stay zen while spinning plates (or try to!) No-one is perfect and no-one can be chill all the time, but the nearer I get to 30 the more I realise what matters to me, and feeling happy and mentally and emotionally healthy is more of a priority than ever – I no longer have the obsession with beating myself up about things and stressing to the max… so I hope this helps you get happier too 😉

B xoxo

 

 

YOU can learn do the splits – here’s how…

splits
Me, last Xmas, at a ‘Stay Sassy’ dance event hosted by Steph Elswood aka @healthychefsteph

I recently shared a (front) splits tutorial on Instagram, and thought I’d post it here so that it’s more permanently findable as it’s a question I get asked a lot!

I do believe that anyone can learn, but I get the frustration that it’s a slow process and it’s easy for me to say as I learned as a child while dancing! However, even then it was something I was determined to nail, and between dance teachers forcing my leg up and practicing at home, I got there.

This video and the below instagram post explain how to train yourself SAFELY into splits. Please, please don’t try and drop straight into! Be patient, and follow this guide, and it will yield results, I promise!

Let’s go! how to do the splits

  • legallygymliving💙HOW-TO SPLITS & FLEXIBILITY TALK💙
    One of my most asked q’s is how to learn – I won’t lie, I was kind of made to when I danced as a kid – the teachers would pull your legs around and lift them up with you stood against the wall to get it near your head…! & I trained hard for it as they needed someone to do it for a show, and i got there!
    That said, I work hard to maintain it. WHY?
    💜flexibility will help with maximum mobility in old age
    💙it complements your normal workouts and helps ease stiffness
    💜if you’re working on strengthening you should also be LENGTHENING
    💙splits are a great party trick 😉
    💋PLUS it has other slightly cheekier benefits when the lights go out…!😜
    🔹🔹🔹
    HOW TO LEARN:
    1) watch this video!
    2) follow its steps, especially NEVER MISSING A WARM UP! You need warm muscles or you risk painful injury. I’ve been there, torn a hammy, it took me 6 months to get back to splits without pain!
    3) focus on increasing hamstring flexibility with things like forward fold where you can gradually improve over time. Use the breath for a natural boost! Inhale & rise a little, exhale and drop.
    4) open out the hips – as well as the hip fold over this vid shows, yogic squat and happy baby pose are fab!
    5) use a wall, and gravity. This helps you go further into a stretch and also measure your progress
    6) ALWAYS PREP YOUR SPLIT with a deep lunge for the hip flexors & a hamstring stretch as shown (until you’re super comfortable in it and then when you’re warm it’s ok!)
    🔹🔹🔹
    Hope this helps! The other thing to note is it’s a gradual process, don’t rush it, don’t push to the point of pain… you should feel a stretch, breathe, go a little further so it starts to be like “ooooh” but DO NOT GO FOR PAIN! Trying too much too fast and forcing it risks injury. Think of it like play dough – it’s not pliable when it’s all cold and stiff. Warm it up, make it bendy over time. Take it easy ✌🏾 

It really is that simple!

There’s no magic to it, just dedication and practice over time, and always following this rather than trying to “force” it, which is never a good idea.

So… I really hope that helps, and answers some of your questions! I really love maintaining flexibility because I think it helps with the quality of our movement generally, and as un-glamorous as it is to say, it helps with maximum mobility in old age! Don’t you want to be able to walk around, go to the loo, get up and down yourself without help when you’re 60, 70, 80+…?!

It is also a fun party trick, it makes for fun photo ops – see below! (you can wineglass stand anywhere once you get the hang of it, although if you aren’t warmed up it’s not adviseable – see my poor form in the top pic below!) and it definitely spices up play time after lights out, if you catch my drift.

Enjoy, babes!

B xoxo

4 simple tips: become more CONFIDENT

mountains nature sky sunny
Photo by Stokpic on Pexels.com

Anytime I see posts and articles about this I find it SO INTERESTING because I feel like we all get insecure sometimes and want to be a little more confident.

I’m a super shy person. Always have been. But I am less painfully shy than I used to be, to the point where now often people don’t believe I’m shy (maybe they think I’m awkward instead hahaha…!)

Confidence is this weird thing, right? You see people who literally are just so free and don’t give AF and are able to share their ideas, boss something in the gym without embarassment or speak up at work… I’ve often wished I could buy it in a bottle (champagne doesn’t count if you wanna keep your job guys!)

In my first job at Vouchercodes.co.uk, a lot of ‘pitching’ was involved – and I had to deliver the pitches myself. I was 21, super shy, not at all confident, I felt inadequate and ridiculous, and could barely speak in internal meetings, let alone with clients! We also had to present in company-wide meetings weekly, and it nearly gave me a heart attack.

I’ve always hated public speaking. I’d shake – as in PHYSICALLY SHAKE. I’d feel sick. I’d cry on the phone to my dad every morning.

But you know what? Being forced to do it again and again means that 1) I know if forced, I can… I even gave a speech at a wedding a couple of years ago! and 2) where speaking in a meeting of 3-10 people used to terrify me, now I know how to do it.

How?

Practice, basically. I’d practice my pitches to my boyfriend, on the phone to my dad, I’d set up meetings with my boss to practice with her, I’d listen to her and make notes on how she did it… and then the worst bit was just making myself do it.

To help, I qualified to teach fitness so I had to stand up in front of a class so I could learn to do it somewhere I enjoyed. And it really, really helped. But you have to decide to put the work in.

All of that ground work is the only reason I could go to an interview at a magic circle law firm and get a job as a lawyer, because if I’d gone in post-graduation at 21, I’d have fallen to literal bits and been a nervous wreck.

I mean, I’m still an introvert, I like to recharge solo as much as possible rather than socialise, and that’s totally okay! I can still be awkward and weird hahaha… but I got over that crippling shyness and if I managed to, anyone else can too.

So here are my tips! And yes, ultimately it really is a case of fake it (or try!) until you make it!

1. Stop hiding behind the ‘it’s just my personality, I’m shy’

This is tough love, I know. I used to have panic attacks about doing public speaking, and I’ll never love it. BUT if you repeatedly practice exposing yourself to uncomfortable situations, you WILL adapt. Be gentle with yourself, do it gradually, you don’t have to be too mean to yourself. But the big key is to stop making excuses and decide to make a change. The way to start is to jump in and practice whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable. 

Set small goals initially. Baby steps. Then as you get into your stride, you can take the leaps and bounds.

Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone.

2. Physical strength builds mental strength

Did you see this one coming? 😉 Fitness is amazing for releasing feel-good hormones (endorphin pump is REAL y’all) but it also shows you the power of practice – little by little you increase strength and/or cardio fitness and it shows you change IS possible, which should give you the confidence to keep trying new things!

I did a Kayla Itsines leg workout the day of my training contract interview and it literally saved me hahaha!

3. Re-train your brain: the long bit!

How much time do you spend worrying about what other people think about you? I read an amazing book called The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k and it suggested you have a think about the important things in your life that you DO and are WILLING to give a fuck about. Anything not on that list? It’s not within your fuck budget. Let that shit gooooooo!

How your life feels to you is more important than how it looks to other people

Trust your own choices and stop talking to yourself in a negative way in your head. Try just repeating (silently or aloud!) ‘I CAN do this’ or something similar. It sounds super American and cheesy but when your habit is to tell yourself you CAN do something instead of saying you CAN’T, it does make a massive shift in your mindset.

Too scared to try something in the gym? Feel stupid, watched, embarassed? Re-train your thought process to be like SO WHAT? What’s the worst that could happen? They’d laugh at you? (I guarantee the other people there won’t, they’re too busy doing their own workouts, but even if they did…) Worse things happen at sea, guys.

The ego likes to try and protect us from laughter or scorn from others, but I think as a result it goes into overdrive and makes us think 99% of the time people are judging us when actually they don’t really care or even notice what we’re doing! Your opinion and that of those you love (and maybe the person who pays you!) is the only one that counts. Let everything else go. Even if the worst case scenario comes true and you’re super embarassed – so what? Once you start approaching things this way, and not minding looking silly, you’ll 100% feel liberated.

I used to experiment with my hair tonnes as a kid, but my dad’s side of the family always made comments about it, and gradually I think I stopped wanting to experiment. I started to think I had to have long hair to prove I was a girl (?! wtf ?! seriously ?!) as comments would often be about short hair being ‘boyish’. As my EDs got stronger and my confidence got lower, I felt like I was way too ugly for short hair and needed long hair to distract from it. How crazy is that?!

So, recently, (and also once a year and a half ago!) I chopped all my hair off again from my boobs to my collarbone, and it’s super liberating… and I now don’t care what anyone else things, apart from me and my boyfriend basically!

Basically, work, fitness, gym, wherever… there’s a bit of work to be done on realising that you just need to go with your gut. And if it all goes wrong and you look silly… you’re not dying, you’re still alive and have soooo many good things going on… so focus on that ❤

Admittedly some of it comes with age too. The nearer  I get to 30, the better able I am to shake off anyone who bugs me and stick to my fuck budget 😉

Books for this process that I’d recommend (although you may have to take with a pinch of salt as they can get a bit too hippyish, but I do still love them!) are Life Tonic by Jody Shield and Hungry For More by Mel Wells.

4. Daily meds*

*meditations, of course!

Whether you hate the idea of meditation as woo woo, you’re a hippy spiritual moon-child or [insert other extreme here], meditation has been proven by various reputable scientific studies to have a positive effect on the brain due to its promotion of the ‘relaxation response’, a physiological change in the body as a result of the ‘relaxed’ state.

So. For the purposes of confidence, meditation’s mention here is twofold:

  1. it teaches you increased focus, which makes you better able to let go of nagging, negative thoughts like ‘I can’t do this, I’m too scared, I’m too shy, I’m too anxious, why is everyone else more confident/smarter/prettier/cleverer than me…’ and breathe, and master your emotions.
  2. it connects you better with yourself and your thought patterns, and by being more present with yourself, you eventually come to realise that you’re not your thoughts… you’re the observer of your thoughts. So you can actually create change and not let thoughts control you, but also it should increase your ability to spend time with yourself, feel good within yourself and actually (god forbid if you’re British) LIKE YOURSELF. Like, what is this madness?!

Also, her style may not be for everyone, but Jody Shield does a meditation series (with a track specifically relating to confidence) if you fancy giving it a try. Despite my atheist and decidedly not spiritual views, I really like her stuff – I find her voice super relaxing.

So, how are we feeling?

Hopefully some of these help a bit… Would love to hear any more you can add!

Also check out this piece on how to be confident by Rose The Londoner and this FREE fierce confidence workshop / livestream replay with Jody Shield to help you get started!

B xoxo

You may also wanna browse:

Ways to boost body confidence on bad days – without working out!

Careers section – Inspire Interview Series plus work tips, resources and confidence building

Body Confidence: talking about taboos, fat loss and some tips!

How to stay motivated to fit in workouts with an office job

Motivation 101: get it and keep it

Is it vain to have a fitness instagram?Is it vain to have a fitness instagram? + dangers of social media

Sparkle: resources to find yours

#Inspire Interview 5: MEL WELLS (actress, best-selling author, speaker, food & psychology coach!)

 

 

F*CK THAT: A message to the creators of those ‘what to wear for your body type’ graphics

i hate nothing about you with red heart light
Photo by Designecologist on Pexels.com

I said I wasn’t going to post about wedding stuff, because it’s very personal to me and my fiance and I are very private about that kind of thing.

But in looking for inspo, especially in the realms of The Dress, we came across a lot of graphics. They go something like this:

“What to wear for your body type:

Pear shaped? Wear XXXXX sihlouette.

Apple? Wear XXXXX sihlouette…”

And so it goes…

 

woman in white bridal gown meditating
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

And it’s not just weddings. Magazines and online articles tell you the ‘best slimming outfits’ or how to ‘dress to flatter your body type’.

Why am I kicking up about this?

BECAUSE YOU SHOULD WEAR WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD.

WHAT IS ‘FLATTERING’ IS WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD. PERIOD.

PS. FUCK ‘SLIMMING’. Just… don’t even start.

The problem with these cookie-cutter guides is they’re basically assuming a normative beauty standard (let’s call this societal ideal the ‘norm’ for ease) and by saying ‘if you’re a pear, wear an A-line dress to emphasise your waist and cover up your big hips’, what they’re implying is you need to create the illusion of a different body because yours isn’t good enough as it is.

Yes, this is a subtlety. But it’s there. And it’s insidious.

If they’re talking about black clothing being slimming or horizontal stripes NOT being slimming, they’re preying on insecurities and pushing the societal ‘norm’ and obsession with losing weight and being slender down our throats… and by recommending ‘slimming’ clothing, they’re undermining curvy and fat bodies, and suggesting they too should be ‘fixed’.

And they’re doing this so subtly with helpful ‘advice’ and tips that even little girls can come across in magazines… (during my EDs I consumed massive amounts of this rubbish, and it definitely helped fuel me putting my fingers down my throat… how terribly sad and twisted is that? But I didn’t even realise because it’s the ‘norm’, right?!)

Darling… let’s get something fucking straight. Your body IS good enough, exactly how it is. 

If, like me, you’re technically a pear shape (you gain muscle and/or fat most easily on your legs and hips, and your skeleton likely has a slightly wider pelvis than shoulders – so take note, no amount of dieting is going to change this!) and you want to wear a fishtail/mermaid sihlouette for your damn wedding dress, but these graphics and articles imply you shouldn’t because you should be trying to ‘hide’ or ‘de-emphasise’ your lower body…

F*CK. THAT.

Now, hold on, you might be thinking… but I am self-conscious about *insert body-part here* and I do want to de-emphasise it…

A couple of things: firstly – that is TOTALLY NORMAL AND OKAY, we all have insecurities. This is about dressing in a way that YOU feel confident and at your best. My issue is with a cookie-cutter approach that ASSUMES you want to do certain things, as this implies that you should, to conform to the ‘norm’, and if you don’t, you look ‘wrong’ somehow.

However, I’d also  encourage as a side-note to explore WHY you feel negatively about that body part – chances are you’ve been affected by messaging we’re bombared with EVERYWHERE about what our bodies should look like. When we’re born, we don’t hate our thighs, or our stomachs, or our chest or arms. We get hungry, we get happy, we sleep, we live life. Our insecurities are LEARNED.

And if you work on it, you can UN-LEARN them too. Case in point: I used to long for skinny legs. I’d repeate the 90s Kate-Moss-heroin-chic mantra ‘Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ while I threw up the 1 apple I’d eaten that day. Because I felt like being skinny, like models, actresses and magazine imagery that I saw as a young girl, was what I should be.

Now? I have wide hips, and I have strong quads, and it’s still where I hold more fat and muscle, while my mid-section doesn’t gain so easily. And I am more than OK with that. I love my body now. In the words of Shakira, lucky I have strong legs like my mother / to run for cover when I need it…

(But I do appreciate that its tough to get to that place of self-love. I know you can’t flip a switch. It took many, many years, therapy, briefly medication, reading anything and everything, soul-searching, a supportive boyfriend and a LOT of effort plus a Harley Street Nutritionist and a million positive instagram influencers to help fix me! To get started on your journey to accepting your body the way it is, click here for some life-changing stuff with Mel Wells…)

You’re allowed to want to emphasise the parts of your body you like most.

You’re allowed to want to de-emphasise or downplay the parts that make you feel less confident.

The only thing you should be wearing is whatever you freaking want.

The wedding dress issue is neither here nor there – the same is true for ALL outfits at ALL times.

On your wedding day, though, not only again do you want to feel confident and happy in yourself (so you don’t need helpful ‘advice’ about what society considers most flattering for you because f*ck the norm, f*ck general opinion, YOU are the one wearing it!), but you’re marrying someone who loves you AS YOU. You don’t need to look like anyone but yourself, or to try to fit into some constructed ideal.

Just wear whichever damn dress you please.

And if it happens to align with the advice? It doesn’t matter at all, that’s totally cool, as long as the advice isn’t the driver. If it’s genuinely what you want, go for it.

And if, as in my case, you’re likely to be breaking all the rules? Well, I’ll leave you with this babes:

kat
Photo credit: Pinterest

Life Chat: changing your name, marriage & feminism

So this isn’t a fitness or nutrition post by ANY stretch of the imagination, but I often blither on with lifestyle nuggets on here don’t I, so we’ll squeeeeeeze this into that and call it content, shall we?!

To change or not to change? That is the [feminist] question…

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In all seriousness, I wanted to share this post for a few reasons –

  1. it’s something I struggled with before making my decision!
  2. I have friends going through the same thing and making choices right now
  3. feminism is something innately important to me, my fiance, my friends, practically anyone I’m close to, so why miss an opportunity to bang on about it?

I guess I first ‘woke up’ to feminism at university whilst studying English Literature and being introduced to feminist theory, as well as the writings of various key people – Mary Wollenstoncraft, Virginia Woolf, Judith Butler, Simone de Beauvoir… because in Somerset it wasn’t really a thing, everything was very white, middle class patriarchal and let’s say ‘local lads’ expressed distaste for feminism (one of the reasons I tend to find going back to the South West a real struggle, and I’ve been known to cause a scene in our local pub over it when some bloke at the bar thought it was acceptable to play with my top and bra strap… I don’t think so!)

I’ve subsequently spent quite a bit of time swinging like a pendulum – “I’d NEVER change my name if I get married” (my struggles with the institution of marriage itself are something we’ll save for another time, but I don’t need to say much more than I’ve attended 3 of my parents’ weddings, none of them to each other…!) but I also LOVE the idea of transformation, I’m names-and-characters obsessed (hey, writer!) and I have gone through periods of liking the idea of a name change.

I found myself, once engaged after a ridiculously perfect proposal in Santorini, torn. My feminist principles dictated I shouldn’t change my name, right? It’s a relic of patriarchal possession, being passed from father to husband.

My love of name changes, characters, transformation and identity shifts, not to mention the cliched, unoriginal, but [un]fortunately true fact that I quite like my actual fiance (shocker!) also stirred an irrational, compelling urge to take his last name.

And at other times, I wavered, hedged, sat on the fence, grappled with it all, and wanted to double barrel.

Conflicted, I spoke to an old friend, Joy, who is far, far more intelligent than I will ever be, and also a feminist. It sounds odd, but I almost needed permission from someone smarter, entire galaxies more articulate and lightyears more well-thought-out than myself, who I knew also believed wholeheartedly in feminism… plus, I happened to know she’d gotten herself married, and chosen to change her name.

I felt like I needed to know how her much more capable mind reconciled the disparate fragments of this socio-political-emotional-mental-minefield.

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Ultimately, she told me what I suppose I’d reasoned out in various, wriggly, squiggly lines and tangled trains of thought, and stumbled across in various things I’d read both online and off, but needed permission to believe.

Feminism is about choice.

Feminism is not a stick with which to beat other women.

If you rail against feminists making a ‘patriarchal’ choice to change their last name upon marriage, it is worth pointing out that keeping your current name is no more feminist because (with few exceptions, like the Spanish way!) naming conventions dictate you ALREADY have a partiarchal name – your father’s.

Not doing something you really want to do, because you feel it violates feminist principles, is actually in itself violating those principles.

There is, these days, nothing to stop you changing, or keeping, or double-barrelling your name – which is now the exact position men have always been in. Just because they chose not to change their names historically does not mean you have to make the same choice now. You have the option. Which is great.

If you want to change your name, you are no less feminist for doing so. In fact, if you don’t, you’re pretty much cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Similarly, if you don’t want to change your name, you are not a freak, a pariah, someone who shouldn’t be getting married at all… it is just as valid, just as legitimate…

So what did I do?

You probably already know by now that I double barrelled, and I made this change legally before getting married (we’re not getting married for a year or so yet either, no official date set… #superchilled) in large part because, practically speaking, it made sense for me to start my new law career under the name I intended to change to.

Ultimately, the Boy would also have double barrelled, ideally, for symmetry and whatnot (he was totally up for this), but given that he was already working under his name and known by it, we decided practicality trumped symbolism and all that jazz, and he continues with his name.

It’s funny, isn’t it, how something that’s a symbolic act means so much and yet so little at the same time…

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter to the world, but it matters to you. It doesn’t have to mean anything, so you can toss a coin if you really want, but it equally can mean quite a lot, particularly if you like the idea of shedding or gaining parts of an identity, or if you’re particularly romantic about the whole thing… whatever. The gist of this post is:

Feminism. Not. A. Stick. So stop beating yourself up with/about it…

PS. F*ck the patriarchy…

B xoxo

If you’re thinking of changing your name and need reassurance that it is still feminist, as some people do, try this article for size… it’s not Pulitzer prize winning journalism or particularly well written but I like the gist of it ❤

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